09 March 2013

America's Most Wanted Sought After Face!

Good news...my new friend at the BMV has totally come through on his excellent customer service promise! My new car title arrived today. YAY! And any day now, my new driver's license should show up. And after that, my new license plate will show up that no longer says Purdue University, but Indiana University!!! (Long story...good change!)

By the way, I am SUPER excited about my new driver's license. Since I was changing my address and that would require a new license to be printed, it was necessary that I update my picture. It seems that my new BMV friend can not only juggle a title transfer, address change, and a license plate change, he can also capture my resplendent and delicate beauty with that nifty camera at the desk.

And by that, I mean I look like I am going to commit murder. The BMV is no longer a cash-and-carry type of establishment. You get paper copies of everything and the "real deal" will show up in your mailbox in 7-10 days. So my driver's license picture on the paper copy resembles Jack Nicholson in The Shining. Not the awesome scene where he cuts through the door with the ax yelling, "Heeeeere's Johnny!"

Now that I am thinking about it, this would be a PERFECT frame for a driver's license photo. We could call it "custom shots" and charge an extra fee for some cool set up like that.
OK, that's for another post.

So no, I don't look quite this happy. Jack Torrance looks downright pleasant here. "Wendy? Darling? Light of my life. I'm not gonna hurt ya. You didn't let me finish my sentence. I said, 'I'm not gonna hurt ya. I'm just gonna bash your brains in.'"

My driver's license picture is going to look more like Jack Nicholson while the crazy was percolating:

Except I forgot to wear a black turtleneck. That would have really captured this moment. Stanley Kubrick is going to read my blog and be like, "DANG IT! I knew I should have cast her..."

And I am pretty sure my awesome photo was taken right after I had given the silent but deadly stare to Cyclone 1 who had Cyclone 2 in a full Nelson and scaring the hell out of an elderly couple directly behind them.

BMV man captured it.

I am going to start a social experiment. I am going to make transactions at stores, banks, etc that require me to show my driver's license and see if anyone comments on how choleric I appear.

Maybe I could do a separate post where YOU WONDERFUL SLICERS come up with one-liners I could say when the clerk asks for my ID, such as:
"You had better sell me this boxed wine or I may cut ya."

And the next time I have to get my driver's license updated and my picture retaken, I am going for this:

Wanna see why she's REALLY screaming???

Good night (or shall I say GOOD MORNING), slicers!


Anita Ferreri said...

VERY, VERY FUNNY. It really would be interesting to have more unique pictures...but then...the police would have to take us into the station to see if we really are who we say we are!

Dina said...

Bahahaha! I was cracking up. I could hear you telling this account at the BMV. Oh, license pictures...

Lisa said...

That was hysterical!! I love the image of showing it to people - makes me laugh picturing their expression. Thanks for a wonderful slice!

Maya Woodall said...

Too funny--I look forward to your one liners to use with your new license.

jenb. said...

Haha! Very entertaining post! Favorite phrase: "the crazy was percolating" - awesome.

Peg D said...

Hysterical! I am laughing out loud. Love your storytelling skills.

Chris H. said...

This is the BEST. I am going to have to remember to wear a black turtleneck for my next mugshot...I mean BMV photo... even if it's taken in the middle of summer. I can just add pink cheeks and melted hair to my psychotic look that I always get in government establishments... perrrrfect.

Shelley K. said...

Love it, Christie! Your writing always makes me smile! Yeah, I about died when I was told at the BMV pic studio--NO SMILING and NO TEETH. Crazies! :)